Courage, what does it mean?

Since my 24th birthday in October, I have had a major encounter with the word, courage. I have never really understood what it meant. Most of us have seen the Wizard of Oz and can remember the lion receiving courage as his gift.

When it comes to my story, I have had courageous moments in my life, but I wouldn’t say I have always lived courageously. If I am honest, the majority of my life was spent caring about other people’s opinions. What decision do they think I should make? Do they think I am funny or am I being too much? Will they like me if they really get to know me, the real me? Am I boring or am I being too serious?

 In June of 2017, I took these pictures.

Here is their unfolding.

While I was visiting home, my sister invited me to go fishing with her and the family. I thought to myself, “Hey, I’ve never really been fishing, so I should go”. But then I thought a little harder, “Well, while I am out there. I can take some photos”. When we arrived by the pier, I noticed fishermen on a boat in the distance. What captured my attention was the Spanish music that was playing. The people that know me well, know I have a deep appreciation for Spanish music. 

Without hesitation, I had a desire to grab my camera and wander straight over to these strangers. But my thoughts began to linger, and I slowly became more cautious. I turned to my sister and stumbled with the question, “Would it be weird if I…” Let’s pause. My whole life has circled back to this one question. Why? Because I have worried about what people are thinking. Was I making the right decision? Will they think differently of me? I sought validation from others.

Now I wouldn’t say I am a people pleaser, but I would say this… I struggle. Some people may say I am daring. I am easy going. I am not afraid to introduce myself to a stranger. I am not timid to share personal information. I am the life of the party. But if I were to say something about me, I would say at the core of me, I struggle with living “courageously”, embracing the moment, going after what I really want in life, and putting myself out there.

No joke—making my website meant putting out my work for others to stumble upon. Applying for jobs post grad meant risking rejection. Taking on new side projects meant potentially saying the wrong thing to a client to the point they don’t book me. Posting my artwork meant I would be compared to others or appear less skilled. All of these are true things I have truly wrestled with this past year. However, the day I went fishing, I learned a very valuable lesson. If you don’t try you will never know the possible outcome.

So I got brave. I took these pictures, practiced my Spanish, met new people and enjoyed their company.  

After taking these photos I could not believe I did that. I was so excited to edit and share what I learned that day. And here we are eight months later. They have been edited for quite a while, but I have let so many things stand in the way of me just trying. Fear, busyness (excuses), imposter syndrome, lies, (you are not a writer, you are not a blogger), doubt, the list can go on and on… But as I write to you today, I can not explain how good it feels to finally write.

 I am shutting out all the excuses and trying. 

When I turned 24, I decided it is time to stop letting life happen to me. So what did I do to help me change my mindset? I listened to Brené Brown’s book, Daring Greatly. CHECK IT OUT!

In her book, Brene discovers what it looks like to live a wholehearted life. Imagine a life without shame. One where you choose to embrace vulnerability and live courageously. What a life to live--to put yourself out there and go after what you want.

“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.”
― Brené Brown

With this new exposure of thinking and living, wholeheartedly. I thought why not give it a try. Why not pursue wholeness? Why not embrace vulnerability even if I do not know where it will lead? What kind of conversations will I have? Oh, the possibilities are endless! Why not live courageously? So, I decided to take a big step… I hopped on my camera and sent a video message to a studio I would like to work at.  And guess what? I got a response! While I was filming,  I knew this was a big lesson for me to establish the trajectory of what I wanted my life to look like. Taking risks.

Now I am here. The challenge in front of me… to publish my first blog. How? I need some courage for this one...

When listening to, The Five Second Rule, by Mel Robbins another life-changing book, recommended by an amazing friend, Lauren Zoucha. Mel shares “The secret” to getting shit done. Ha. 

You count down from 5, and you give yourself those seconds to act on an instinct towards a goal and move. Both of these books will change your life for the better. After reading The Five Second Rule, I knew it was time to be serious and start creating, whether, that be writing, making videos, motion graphics or taking pictures. So here’s to a lifetime, not just 2018… But to a lifetime of consciously deciding for myself to be courageous and share the process along the way.

So I ask you, Courage, are you familiar with it?